Friday, April 20, 2018


My friend said with this look she
wouldn't want to mess with me.
I didn't feel CONFIDENT at all, but I decided to go for it. 

That is----I decided to ride the metro in Washington, D.C. ALONE and walk to several different businesses in various neighborhoods ALONE!  

Armed ahead of time with my trips mapped out, I decided perhaps the key was blending in. That required looking the part of a metro rider, someone coming and going with a purpose, a clear objective.

The first leg of the metro trip,  I think I rocked it! I face paced walked to the station, coasted confidently to my seat, relaxed with my phone like everyone else seemed to do, and exited the doors without event as they opened at the station.
Cute SF store front

However, I didn't fare as well figuring out which way to walk to the first business. Thank goodness for Google Maps.

At one point, a lady stopped me for directions. I guess I looked like I knew where I was going. I was just thinking of clarifying directions with her. Yet, I was able to point her to her street. 

Since I felt somewhat successful on my venture to and from these three neighborhoods, I decided to spend the later part of the afternoon strolling the DC mall with a Starbucks classic chai. I already felt like a rock star because I conquered my metro ALONE fear, walk unknown neighborhoods ALONE fear, and visit unknown businesses fear. 

I wanted to sit right next to these.
These smelled so good!
I strolled the mall, people watched and conversation eavesdropped, soaked up sunshine while reading a bit, and conversed with the capitol police all under a sixty degree sunshine blue sky near the Botanical Garden and Congress. I found proof of life (spring) and delicious smells. 

Walking alone back to my hotel, at the end of this excursion, this bit of fun banter popped up when I passed a group of slow walking people. (I almost always walk fast, but I was stealthily trying to slide around and through various groups of meandering people.)

This conversation was my second feeling like a rock star moment for the day:

Seriously, your glasses make you look like a rock star! 

That sky! That blue sky!  That blue sunshine sky!
(At the point I realize this twenty something guy strolling with his dad who I've been trying to slide by is actually speaking to me, I grasp for something to say. Might as well play along with his enthusiasm. )You mean it only takes a $7.99 pair of sunglasses to look like a rock star?

Well, your CONFIDENCE goes well, too (sly smile).

Well, thanks! (I had just been scolded by my friends in a group text to learn to take a compliment with a "thanks.")

So while I don't put much confidence in my sunglasses making me look like a rock star, the compliment was nice. The lecture on saying thanks showed me how to confidently navigate that conversation.  This gentleman's words were the second reminder of the day of the huge part that confidence plays in how we appear to handle life's situations.

I was thankful for being reminded that the desire to achieve  requires dedication. I won't always feel confident. I may have knocking knees and a doubting mind. It seems that big or small accomplishments in any arena of life need a motivation that might appear on the outside to look like resolute determination but might certainly fall far shy of that feeling on the inside.

So, this day's intimation of what I place my confidence in is important to reflect upon. It might seem my confidence is placed in external things like Google Maps and some cool black sunglasses, but rest assured, it is a far deeper resolute conviction that allows me to overcome some of my insecurity and fears:

              I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He
             who has begun a good work in you will continue to perfect
             and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.--Phil. 1:6

Monday, April 9, 2018

...When I Can't See You With My Eyes

This is a simple poem I wrote for lovely new parents of this precious newborn baby boy.   
It is written as if from their son to his parents.


When I can't see you with my eyes,
I still feel the love in your heart.

Snuggled up to your warm chest,
Your heart beats in my ear 
And settles my fears.

When I can't see you with my eyes,
I still feel the love in your heart.

My fingers grab for yours
To hold you close to me,
Securing all my needs. 

When I can't see you with my eyes,
I still feel the love in your heart.

Your whispered lullabies 
Soothe my panicked cries 
As I memorize your melody.  

When I can't see you with my eyes,
I still feel the love in your heart.

Your breathy smiles, 
Beaming joy over my face,
Shine magic into my world. 

When I can't see you with my eyes,
I still feel the love in your heart.

Your tightly wrapped hugs 
Embrace around my world,  
And I know we are blessed to be three.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018


Use your words! Use your words, Use your words!
Does this sound like a mama or teacher's assertion?

And then follows my aspiration...
Choose your words! Choose your words! Choose your words well! 
Sticks and stones will break my bones...
We know that jeers and sneers create tears and broken and bruised hearts.

This is the soundtrack that plays through the background noise in my head: choose your words...choose them well for they can usher in heaven or hell.  And because of this simple certainty, this introvert tended girl has spoken many more words in her head and heart than have been shared aloud.

I'm that girl that places intense value on all words: words whispered, written, sung, slung, and even unspoken. I see the words revealed behind the blink, twinkle, and glance of another's eyes; the twitch or turn of lips; the stiff, shake, or shrug of shoulders; the measured, rigid, or swinging arms; and the poised or skittish dance stance of legs.

My heart has learned the neon caution of words. I've learned to record over poisonous words rolling through my head.  I've yielded to the caution not to fall into the dark hole of seeking and needing unspoken words. I've begged to dismiss words that weren't really meant to be heard. 

In this whole wide world of ours, our words really only need to speak a few necessary truths.

Hearts break open wide and share a divine 
healing balm when words are chosen well.
I believe in you! 
It's who you can be!  When you are up or down, I'm here with you. I know you can turn this thing around. I know you have worked hard; still keep working at what you are after!  Remember, you can regroup and work through challenges.  You can fix mistakes. I can see you are genuine and sincere. Feel free to dream and achieve. You are the only you there is, so go share you with the world. You are stronger than you know, and when you feel weak, I will be there to help you know that. You are a perfect you. I'm proud of you.

Hearts break open wide and share a divine 

healing balm when words are chosen well.

I'm sorry!
No excuses. I messed up. I was wrong. I was selfish. I didn't listen well. I take responsibility for this. I know I'm not perfect, but I want to be better. It's my fault. I'll try again to get this right. It won't happen again. I'm going to fix this. I want to get this right. I don't want to make you sad, fearful, or not trust. I hurt you; but I want to start anew. Forgive me. Give me a second chance. 

Hearts break open wide and share a divine 

healing balm when words are chosen well.
I love you!   
You are enough. You make me believe in me.  You make me a better me.  Hanging with you is like comfort and peace. You make my day. You are a gift. I'm glad we met. You make me laugh and smile. I appreciate your friendship. You see the best in me. You make a my life a better place because you are in it. 

I'm still working on choosing the words I speak, so they only say these most necessary of simple truths and say them well. 


The bright sunshine didn't creep through the gap in the curtains today. Beyond the curtain, the grey sky ocean view made me think col...