(A page from today's journal)
I'm sad and weary. Staring at the circumstances scrolling past my screen, I want to turn it off, cover the windows, and then search out an island to hide out on. My mind and heart are exhausted, but they're still soaking in the Spirit's syrup of trust and hope and faith. Honestly, I'm not weary of His work, but I'm weary in His work.
I'm tired of the tirade and the terror that builds tall towers rather than tears down walls. Rioting in the streets, screaming words on screens, and finding victory in violence--all usher in fear, and fear ushers in fatigue. Fury is fueling the fire's flames which are stoked by forming factions. There's fatigue from these factions: your opinion versus mine; your living truth versus mine; your politics versus mine; your methodology versus mine; your right versus mine; your wrong versus mine. Digging in and hellbent on mandating or maneuvering others' minds, narratives cycle into arguments like a needle riding the label of a record on the turntable.
I don't like all the constant banter whose motives quickly slip into judging rather than nudging. I've been accused of being on a bandwagon and my motives have been mocked on the social bandwidth from all sides, and while it's difficult to feel discounted, my diligence is to bring dignity to our differences. True to my nature, canceling my thoughts may contribute to my silence for the moment, but my heart isn't silent. Its blood pressure rises again in trying to get things right, not about always trying to be right, for I know righteousness is just and justice is right.
I want this marathon race to be over, but it's not over until all runners cross the finish line because the pain of this color race isn't over. It's still running through the streets. So while street marches will continue, the kneeling prayers before God should also continue.
When I'm weary, I want insurance that intentions are true, that calm will come, that good change will be ushered in, that the fight will finally come to fruition, but I know that this will only work if we buy into a whole life kind of insurance. If I fight for the unborn to matter, then the dignity of those that are then born must also matter. If my White brother's life matters, then I will also defend that my Black brother's life matters. Christians may disagree about the methodology, but we cannot disagree about what matters. We should not ignore a prejudice about truth.
If you count yourself as God's child, then you know He discounts no one and commands us, likewise. I won't defend the many distractions to this truth on display. I'm also not defending my weary heart that wants to quit as these changes get increasingly difficult. That's exactly the premise Christ lived and died for, the fact that humans can have a heart change. We can become navigators of the most important changes that will ripple throughout this world, but we have to intentionally focus on functions that move His truths forward.
Keeping the faith!
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 29-31
I'm sad and weary. Staring at the circumstances scrolling past my screen, I want to turn it off, cover the windows, and then search out an island to hide out on. My mind and heart are exhausted, but they're still soaking in the Spirit's syrup of trust and hope and faith. Honestly, I'm not weary of His work, but I'm weary in His work.
I'm tired of the tirade and the terror that builds tall towers rather than tears down walls. Rioting in the streets, screaming words on screens, and finding victory in violence--all usher in fear, and fear ushers in fatigue. Fury is fueling the fire's flames which are stoked by forming factions. There's fatigue from these factions: your opinion versus mine; your living truth versus mine; your politics versus mine; your methodology versus mine; your right versus mine; your wrong versus mine. Digging in and hellbent on mandating or maneuvering others' minds, narratives cycle into arguments like a needle riding the label of a record on the turntable.
I don't like all the constant banter whose motives quickly slip into judging rather than nudging. I've been accused of being on a bandwagon and my motives have been mocked on the social bandwidth from all sides, and while it's difficult to feel discounted, my diligence is to bring dignity to our differences. True to my nature, canceling my thoughts may contribute to my silence for the moment, but my heart isn't silent. Its blood pressure rises again in trying to get things right, not about always trying to be right, for I know righteousness is just and justice is right.
I want this marathon race to be over, but it's not over until all runners cross the finish line because the pain of this color race isn't over. It's still running through the streets. So while street marches will continue, the kneeling prayers before God should also continue.
When I'm weary, I want insurance that intentions are true, that calm will come, that good change will be ushered in, that the fight will finally come to fruition, but I know that this will only work if we buy into a whole life kind of insurance. If I fight for the unborn to matter, then the dignity of those that are then born must also matter. If my White brother's life matters, then I will also defend that my Black brother's life matters. Christians may disagree about the methodology, but we cannot disagree about what matters. We should not ignore a prejudice about truth.
If you count yourself as God's child, then you know He discounts no one and commands us, likewise. I won't defend the many distractions to this truth on display. I'm also not defending my weary heart that wants to quit as these changes get increasingly difficult. That's exactly the premise Christ lived and died for, the fact that humans can have a heart change. We can become navigators of the most important changes that will ripple throughout this world, but we have to intentionally focus on functions that move His truths forward.
Keeping the faith!
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40: 29-31
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