FINDING YOUR “GIVE-BACK” FOR SELF-CARE

FINDING YOUR “GIVE-BACK” FOR SELF-CARE

Everyone is talking about making masks for healthcare workers and now we’ve added the entire population to the list. It’s such a huge need right now! I want you to have one. I want me to have one, too, cause some day soon I really want you and me to get back to meeting face to face. I think these masks are going to be hanging around our faces for some time.

I cannot sew. I don’t even have material to donate for others to sew. (Well, I can sew on a button. Everything else, I give to my husband.)

My friend, Teresa, texted and offered to sew masks for me and two other friends, Brenda1, and Brenda2. I was thinking yes, yes, make me ten. I want every family member to have one. I knew that was panic (my kids don’t even live in my house anymore). I felt bad even letting her make one for me. It’s time consuming. She runs her own business, and here I sit while she works away for me. Then I heard her voice in my head (as she’s had to lovingly nudge me a couple times throughout our friendship to allow others to meet my needs), “Just say yes and thanks.”

At first, I told her to just make them for her family. I know! I know! My response sounded ungrateful, but that wasn’t how I was feeling at all. I was actually overwhelmed by her offering.

At some point, our group text conversation flowed something like this:

Me: I’m exhausted with this all. Can I go curl up in a ball and come out in June?

B2:  I love your heart, T!

Me: I love your heart, too. I’m just feeling, lately, like I have little control and others have to do things for me that I should be doing. I’ll pay you whatever if you have time to make us a couple.

(My back was out. I was in pain, but maybe that’s also why I was being a pain. Then again maybe not.)

B2: That’s the irony of this. We don’t have control anyway. We never did. We just know Who is in control.

T: I’m happy to make them.

B1: We’re all feeling that way. So much to deal with these days. We are here for each other, and for anything we can do for each other.

Me: Ok, I’m in tears and so appreciate y’all letting me be vulnerable.

B2: This is our opportunity to bear the burdens of each other and lift each other up.

T: That’s why I’m making them for you guys.

Teresa's gift of care, time, patience, joy, and health

Teresa doesn’t just make masks. She goes beyond and texts pics of the color and kind of material she has and the various tying options for strings or elastic. Then she mails them to me.  She’s a giant of a gift giver. When I told her that I felt that I should be filling others’ needs right now, not requiring help, she told me don’t worry, just pay the give-back forward.

She might hate me posting her face, but if she is the face that helps you to find a beautiful way to give back for self-care, she’d be the first to make her face even bigger in this space. She’s that big in the world to me.  Be big in the world to others. She sees needs and tries to fill them.

Teresa: our beautiful mask maker

We know the need right now feels like one ginormous ball of fiery need rolling downhill out of control, but it’s really a mass of many small needs. There are struggles that are so troubling, they draw us from standing with hands raised high to our knees, palms spread wide. We can be the blessing of holy water that puts out the burn, one trickle at a time.

I'm faced with ways to give back because I believe we were born into community. We want to encourage others. Seriously, that is self-care. 

Teresa texted our group this one morning: What are you guys doing for self-care?  I made it a point to check in today with that question, also. Just providing the reminder is a gift!

B1 texting wisdom

That question seriously gives me pause and allowance at the same time. What was I doing for me? That also morphs into what am I doing for others? I’m most at home doing for me when I find passion for what I’m doing for others. This is a strange time for that because it forces me to think how I can do that without physically being present. 

This is definitely a time to bring the calm for others and carry on in ways that may be strange and foreign, but oh so necessary, as my friend B1 reminds us.

Gone are the babysitting moments for my grandkids. I’m instead trying to make some meals for my daughter who will put in full days at the hospital and son-in-law who’s working from home with two kids: two and four (that’s quite a Superman task).

A socially distant hug for my daughter and grandkids 

Years ago, a neighbor told me that “talking” was my talent. Well, I certainly can make some phone calls, but this talking on paper (aka writing) is probably going best for me right now!

I’ve tackled joining Zoom and have four Zoom groups. While I might not want to be in one more zoom meeting, it’s a community of give-back. Somehow letting others see the half of me that is not in loungewear makes us both feel better. There’s something settling in seeing your family (all now seemingly way farther away than before) and friends smile even if they are struggling, too. Be compelled to “meet” with others for them and, secretly, maybe you, too. 

74 people, 18 families, & 7 states represented at some point

Some of us have researched the “hell” out of this pandemic (hmmm my sister) and passed the information along to let their knowledge help others, to relieve the anxiety that sneaks around the corner even when we try to run from it. That information has provided a haven for our minds, allowed us to inhale and exhale, given us facts not fear, and brought us to live in the “heaven” of the these strange moments we are facing.

 TK Salon https://tksalonandsunlesstanning.com/

Don’t go crazy wondering if you are doing enough in your “give-back.”  My efforts, to date, are less than they will be before this is all over. What fits in with this time for you and your community? 

As for my give-back, I’m going to buy a gift card from my hair-dresser that I am really missing this month. 

JT Walkers    http://www.jtwalkers.com/

I’ve purchased a couple dinners from my small town’s local businesses. Small businesses in my community are the people in my community trying to raise families in my community. 

My sister-in-law is super happy that I couldn’t throw her a surprise 60^th birthday party, but it didn’t stop me from organizing a parade of cars drive-by birthday party! 

Before you are flabbergasted by my give-back for self-care thoughts and think there are obviously a million needs people have right now that I could find to give my money toward, be assured that I’ll be doing that, too. Caution your heart, like I’ve had to, that while you might have enough money, you might have the time, you might have the know-how, you might have the drive and passion, you will not be able to take all of what’s wrong and make it right.  

Yet, be encouraged that if we all give back for self-care the world will spin more smoothly for others. You might even make the seemingly small give-back seem really big, as my friend Teresa is doing for me.

B2 texting wisdom

I can’t mention every give-back, but here are the other give-backs for self-care my people are engaged in. 

·         Making it a priority to show up to work for Covid patients (Yeah, it’s a job, but it’s a bit more than that now.)

·         Providing a chess lesson via social media

·         Dropping a puzzle at someone’s doorstep

·         Making funny faces to make another laugh

·         Joining a social media outlet to stay connected

·         Ordering groceries for others and offering to shop for neighbors

·         Encouraging your FB community by posting beauty in word and pictures.  Maybe you have never commented on a post. It might be imperative to reach out this way now.

·         Praying for others

We’re all working through these social distancing days toward making them a distant memory. As we create our new normal, may this mantra remain:

#InThisTogether