On the five mile trek today without a furry friend or music, hearing the slap of shoes on the blacktop road and feeling beating sunshine on my shoulders, my mind wandered into the WHAT IF zone.
WHAT IF? What if I lost my memory and needed to relearn who people are to me. In this speculative game the how or why I lost my memory isn't important. But suppose doctors have said they have no assurances, but merely high hopes, my memory will return.
Playing along with my WHAT IF game, in our first encounter with one another, what words would you pull together to help me remember our relationship, to remind me of who you are to me, to help me know you in relation to me?
What I'm wondering is how the people in my life prior to my fictional memory loss would reintroduce themselves. Of all the things you could say to help you and me connect, what would it be? What's the substance of who we are together? What would be those intrinsic, indispensable qualities that connect us?
I know I have jokers in my life that will say, "Hey, if you don't remember me, then I'm not going to bother trying to convince you of who I am to you. But try it! Who are you to me, to your mom or dad, to your spouse, to your siblings, to your friends?
We all have heard the beautiful stories about dogs reuniting with owners they haven't seen for years, wagging tails ensuing after a couple sniffs. Dogs have a scent memory when trying to recall information. They don't just identify by sight, but rather they relate by their unique ability to gather an impression of who you are to them by the lingering impression of smell. They gather the essence of people and other dogs this way.
What if we related to people so that they could recall who we are to them not by sight but by our lingering essence. What's our essence memory to the people in our lives? What's the constituent quality of our relationship? How are we making the impressions of who we are to them?
In this WHAT IF game, in your utter desperation to help someone you value recall who you have been to them such as your spouse, I'm hoping you won't just say, "Oh, I'm your spouse." Pretend you are desperately trying to get this right:
I've been your favorite hello.
I'm the one that soothed your anxious moments...
We created dreams together and some of them came true...
I forgave you often with a smile and a smirk...
Our secret way to say 'I love you' was...
I've touched your heart in ways others don't..."
Just saying to a friend, "I'm your friend" might not jar the memory enough to relate the real essence of your relationship. Something deeper connects you.
I'm the one that you ran to when life got messy...
I'm the one that sat silent at your side when tears fell and words were too much...
I'm the one that drew laughter from you when you've felt emotionally dry....
I know this is weird abstract. I really think this matters because the people in our lives matter. We want to relate in a way that, in essence, our hearts and souls are connected. We want to dig deep to learn the essence of one another.
In essence, concentrate on the impressions we're creating with the people in our lives.
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