Sometimes, you have to let bad memories shared with people go over the cliff---smashing to pieces far below on the shore to surely be swept away by the outflow of the ocean tide cause when that tide rolls in, there's nothing on Earth that can stop it from carrying away the debris in its path.
You and I know we don't want to carry those scary, bad monster movies around in our heads and hearts! Heck, the people in our lives don't want us to store those memories of them, either. Certainly, there is a crazy that people can make us. We suddenly realize that we feel like trapped pitbulls held back from unleashing emotions upon others only by a strong leash of courtesy.
And then we fear for our tomorrows with them! We fear that this moment we're aching through with them will never go away. We fear that in a mere flash our memory will bring us back time and time again to revisit this ugly moment. We fear remembering this boat sinking feeling long after the wrong words lashed at us have slipped from our memory.
It's true about everyone in our lives! We need to choose to see beyond their crocodile chaos, their alligator attacks, their reptile scaley skin, and their seemingly cold-blooded inconsistent temperament. We need to work hard to think the best about them in the skin they're in, to remember them well!
To remember the deep stuff we've shared together. And sometimes the deep stuff is the light stuff we've done together. And sometimes the deep stuff is the simplest of moments: counter top conversations, porch talks, hugs and handshakes, shared sunsets, vacation walks.
We might have to say this again and again to ourselves in order to live with them in the skin we're in. We need to work hard to think the best about them in the skin they're in, to remember them well!
This selective act usurps the space we've framed and devoted to bad memories. It's a new recollection, a RE-COLLECTING, a choosing to select and collect again the pictures of them in their better light. Seek a souvenir selection of them that doesn't create a shell of a person but one that smooths the gritty sand from chaotic images. Dump the shell collection bucket and select to keep the most beautiful.
We determine the images that create our lives' photo albums. While we can't quickly shake the words from the pages, we can create new ones to shatter the glass we reflect upon. So, choose to lean your face to feel the sunshine and let the cacophony of cackling, harsh words fade into background noise.
The people in our lives don't want us to frame bad memories of them. We might have to tear out some images from our photo albums. We might need to re-member our memory and say this again and again to ourselves in order to live with people in the skin we're in. We need to work hard to think the best about them in the skin they're in, to remember them well!
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“'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.'”
― Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit