"Did you just call DUH on
yourself?"
My
husband's head turned abruptly as he drove and stared in hesitant shock.
He followed it up with the repetition of that same remark mixed with a
tablespoon of laughter.
It was the laughter of surprise
and intermittent stare and then laughter and intermittent stare which then
caused me to laugh with an intermittent stare of certainty at him.
The words just smoothly slipped
from my brain to my mouth, right off my tongue, " OH, DUH!"
Before you place your hand to
your mouth with an "Oh my! That's not even appropriate," I really deserved
those words. You have experienced those moments when something comes out
of your mouth that you are sure neurologically you want to claim you didn't say,
but there it is exposed to the world in vocal rhythms.
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| windupmyskirt.com |
I think I may have taught junior
high too long. Their behaviors are wearing off on me. Or, could it
be that I am learning the wisdom of their age?
Once upon a time, there lived a teacher who abhorred that term. When I first heard it, I crusaded to keep
it from the hallways and mouths of youngsters, believing it to be a pompous
blow to the heart of others.
...AND I STILL DO, BUT IT WAS THE
MOST ACCURATE EXPRESSION IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE FOR THAT MOMENT.
You know the term that means you
are stating what should be obvious. It's the response you get when you
ask a stupid question others think you should know the answer to, and if you
had but looked around, used logic, or thought reasonably you would be able to
answer said question in your own mind before opening your mouth and revealing
to the world your idiocy and thus risking the jail sentence of looking stupid
for every generation to come. It's a heavy sentence, solidified by the pounding
gavel and a "DUH."
There's this trick I've tried of explaining in an intelligent sounding dialogue why the question was
warranted. However, any two bit junior high lawyer sees right through
those depositions. Don't try that at home. Your muddy foot really just digs deeper into the quick sand.
Some people have very kindly
allowed me to claim being blond as an excuse for these DUH moments. Some
seasons of the year I am more blond than others. I will highlight at
this point that several times a year I augment my blondness. NO, I don't
mean by pursuing even more DUH moments.
Sadly, I have already exposed my
intelligence to the world so these moments and my use of DUH can jolt some
systems. Note to self when I am in your presence: always know how to use
the defibrillator in your building.
Some have replaced the harsh word
with kinder, gentler terminology such as REALLY? YOU THINK? HELLO!?!
These terms are actually ineffective if you are not familiar with the
intonation with which they should be spoken; you better consult the
intelligence of a junior higher then.
When I called DUH on myself,
it was warranted. Because it happens so often, I really can't remember
what I even had to slam the gavel for, but I do remember the shocked expression
and laughter. Since then (which wasn't very long ago) I can think of a
few more times that I have had to call DUH on myself.
Here’s a Pollyanna
DUH moment. I walked into a friend’s house who had 12 cookie tubs lining her
sunroom and asked “Are we going to play a game, here?”
What about when
you are multi-tasking while talking to a friend on the phone and admittedly panic
to her that you can’t find your phone.
What about when
you’re attending to the sermon in church with your YouVersion Bible app on your
phone and your journal in your lap, but you turn to ask your husband where he
put your coffee cup that rests under your journal and clasped between your
thighs.
What about when
you are driving and fidgeting and searching and wondering where your Coke is you
thought you handed to your friend to hold while dark syrupy stuff is sliding
down the driver's side door window. (I can't claim this masterful DUH
moment, but I was the friend in the car that witnessed it.)
People, these are not moments I
cherish. These moments won't impress others with my intelligence and
logic. Remember, I am a mom and a teacher and a coach.I get paid the big bucks to motivate by professing that
there are no dumb questions, but believe me, some questions spoken aloud from
my mouth, even I would admit, really shouldn't be asked because, in these
cases one girl's confusion could be another person's land mine of "DUH!"
Obviously, I might claim I don't
put my thinking cap on at all times. I may even corner the market on wearing the dunce cap occasionally, but I'm okay with DUH aimed at myself. Really!
Without having to eavesdrop on junior highers, I've learned what that
junior high acronym stands for: DONE UNDER HEAVEN!
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| staplethedesignlife.com |
Look Jonah landed in a whale's
belly. That's God's way of laughing with him during his DUH questioning.
Maybe Moses's doubt of God's
promises caused most of his DUH moments.
Even today, we have gotten in the
habit of proclaiming really volatile statements questioning others, only to quickly
resend them with a flaunted "I'm sorry." I will assume these
DUH moments brought sudden clarity, but then I would have to ask Cuomo and Rob
Ford to really know.
But for my DUH moments,AND I ONLY CALL THEM ON MYSELF, I will proclaim God's promise to Moses from Exodus 34: 6-7: He
is a God of mercy and grace, endlessly patient-so much love, so deeply
true-loyal in love for a thousand generations, forgiving iniquity, rebellion,
and sin.
Admittedly, my speeches demeaning
the use of the word DUH probably sounded pompous. Perhaps they sounded
a bit like Snoopy's teacher: "wah, wah, wah."
I do believe my rendition might have sounded something like this: "Your short,
concise, quick, and ineffective use of the English vocabulary leaves you
sounding highly uneducated and sadly ignorant. It shows a low regard for your
fellow human beings and a disappointing, base intellect." These two renditions seem quite similar because we know
the kids stopped listening after the first six words.
So people...never fear... you can see that I have not gone the way of calling myself a worm. I
am courageous enough to laugh at my foibles and stand on His promises and seek people to hold my hands
up, like Aaron and Hur did for Moses, when I forget the strength of His
promises.
By the time you
have lived half your life, you realize these moments aren't your first
mistakes, and they certainly won't be your last. Your wisdom allows you to call these moments on yourself alone. (I've also tried to proclaim that
lesson to junior highers.) So, let's just let this spade call her moments what they are when she digs in with a "DUH," and then move forward.
The other options when presented with these DUH (Done Under Heaven) times would be crucifying, and neither you nor I are called to stand that
kind of courage. Thank God.
This self-professed queen of
sarcasm can certainly kick a few sarcastic commentaries her own way. If the
shoe fits, I must wear it. (After all, I do so love shoes.)
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