I finally did it---exactly what I worked hard to avoid for months. Wasn't this task part of my mental muscle yet? There were plenty of near misses through the months since the arrival of Bentley the Yorkshire terrier. Seconds before my fall, I would have assuredly thought I was in the clear, balancing book and drink as I glanced into my living room to the comfort of my over-sized chair and a few stolen minutes of pleasure reading. How many hundred times a day had I glanced and hurdled this gate? Yet, today I would suffer the agony of misjudging the impact of not raising my foot high enough in this simple feat of stepping over the dog fence. The word FAIL could look remarkably like FALL if I didn't use the right font. And simply put, this was full-fall failure. Fortunately, I had the mental fortitude in the midst of the fall to stop clinging to my drink so I could catch myself with my hands to land somewhat gracefully and not hit my head. This fall was cleaning sticky drink off cherry wood floors with steam mop but also on my hands and knees failure. It was broken glass failure. It was heavy sighs and shaking my head failure. It was disappointment in lost relaxation time and energy failure. It is now neck and back spasm failure. It is referred pain down the leg and arms and back pain failure. But in hopeful time it will dissipate and only the memory will remain.
But really, this fall was full of grace. I didn't berate myself for my stupidity. I heard the spirit remind me that these sudden shifts in happiness can happen in a blink of an eye. Hold strong to His promise to me that "joy in the midst" can be my motto.
I didn't find easy obscenities to lash at myself or the dog. Our spirit can be drained in seconds by words--certainly don't waste away my soul by speaking words to myself that He would not throw at me.
The spirit reminded me not to begin to list the excuses for failing to safely hurl the gate or even thinking to just move it aside. He reminded that there are no excuses for crossing boundary lines, but when we stumble in crossing them, we need to get up and clean the mess and reset the gate's boundary. A quick assessment of pain when face down on the hard wood, reminded me that I may pay for this fall in the days to come. And the Spirit reminded me that in getting up my face no longer needed to face down but the warm light shining on me through the window were rays of promises to look toward. And the pain to come would be the reminder of His grace that helps me to look up and not wallow in the back.
And then there rose a surprise, a surprise smile at what I had just done. Who finds this a time to smile? It was a smile of letting go and leaning into what He spoke and knowing that pain will hold, cleaning agents will be necessary, time to heal will make me wait, but all is well when we allow Grace to seep into the soul like soft piano music.
And what of what I know about grace through the years has become my mental muscle? For a little over a year now, I have conducted a very unofficial daily experiment unknown to most close to me of smiling at strangers and friends and family to observe their response--an offering, a GRACEFUL GLANCE.
I smile at cashiers, people walking by me in the aisles at stores, people in cars as they drive past me while I sit at stop lights, gas station attendants when paying my money, people in the Redbox line, people walking dogs past me, people walking up the church aisle, people looking for books at the library, people sitting in the doctors' waiting rooms, people on bleachers at games, people....
And while this is unofficial, I easily kept the data because ALL but one has responded in kind with a smile. And many smiled back in surprise and maybe even wonder at the crazy lady whose smile had fallen upon them. While it might seem greatly odd, those are great odds.
But mostly what is odd is that I didn't just fall onto this experiment for others. Students that I taught told me that they loved all the funny faces I make, and so I made more and a greater variety of them. If you weren't in my class, you might not have realized I had such a repertoire. They derived simple pleasure and comfort from my smile---such an inexpensive gift of joy.
One day, I heard their words a bit differently, a calling to offer others this simple gift. What could I offer to others in passing that might bring momentary or lasting joy? I have always wanted to start a business that teaches etiquette to what I call first-responders to the public, those who greet the public at large in stores and restaurants. What I wanted to show them in many different ways is that we can attend graciously to others even when we don't feel graceful ourselves.
The message lived out was my smiling at others to offer them referred joy because we all know there is certainly a lot of referred pain in this fallen world. Don't ask why I would do that but rather why would I not?
Because offering grace is not a gamble. Every moment is a choice in responding. It was to offer people a glance of grace. It was to crash into their worlds at the point they were thinking and they were experiencing life to offer a mind and maybe spirit altering moment. A graceful small glance if allowed to sink into their souls from my lips could be like a kiss from heaven. It's a weighty hope for a simple glance of grace. But what is the alternative?
And don't we all want the grace of His hands fallen, stretched out wide upon us? And can't we offer grace with outstretched hands? And don't we all have moments of sighing big at life's toughness? And can we whisper softening words to others? And don't we see the ugly all around? And can't we lift heads to point out the beauty instead? And don't we all have plenty to cry about? But can't we all offer a smile for others?
And in my doing, I realized that my glances of grace experiment has been replicated in so many different ways for me. These glances of grace that offer referred joy find ways to sing my soul.
A sweet treat gift on the counter from my daughter and son-in-law. A text of "I love you too" from my youngest son. A trip home to see me from my oldest son. Red roses on the table from my husband.
Pictures of childhood's innocence from my brother.
You too have graceful glances to offer.
...because when we fall hard, fail little, fall little, or fail hard, do we allow ourselves to be caught by graceful arms? Is grace for us, too? Is it for all time, for all ways, for all parts of us? Is it for the weak and weary and the mighty and righteousness?
Do we cling to the drink He offers keeping it safely in its cup or allow His words to spill and seep all over our soul? The everyday, trying hard, once upon a time and again broken people need a graceful glance--- this amazing grace that He bestows on us and allows to bring abundance to others when it overflows from us.
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Find your graceful glance and offer it today.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Comments
Having lived in a very negative home growing up, a gift of a smile was rarely seen. The hope of a thank you or compliment only appeared with teachers at school. Life's difficulties had a way of overwhelmed both of my parents. It wasn't until I saw an old movie called "Pollyanna" that I learned life is what you dwell on. You can look for the bad or the good in life. I wanted to see good things in my life and not misery. God was in my childhood because a neighbor, who smiled grace on us, took us to Vacation Bible school. In another place we lived, it was a church buss who would pick us up for Sunday School. My parents who were raised in Church, never went with us. I went, then my sister went too. We were the first to come to know Christ in our lives. Our parents would quickly put a stop to that too. Gods grace kept reaching out to us through his people many times over the years. His grace even reached out and took my Mom and Dad. Saved by Christ in their 50's. There is hope when you look into my bleak childhood and grace that helps me greet each day with expectations I never knew possible as a child. I have done that experiment of smiling at people and I even chat with them in the store and wish them well. Some do well with it, others think I off my rocker for speaking to them. Lately, I've had a lot of the latter. Thanks for the encouragement to keep on smiling at and scaring people by talking with them. : D Now I have another reason to be encouraging to others, it's giving Gods grace to a weary soul.