#MeToo ...I never typed it in Twitter or Facebook because I hoped I'd be much more than a number.
Sweeping his hand to touch my rear or back as he walked by me when clearly the space provided was plenty to avoid any contact.
Making passing by him in hallways and rooms difficult as he didn't get out of the way but waited for me to pass.
Holding on to my leg as if to steady himself as he walked by me sitting or lying on the floor as if he were going to fall or step on me if he didn't.
Quietly and unobtrusively "Pssting" and beckoning with his fingers to come to him
Repeatedly asking me to take him for a ride, an innuendo before I even knew what that term even meant. But I certainly felt the laced meaning behind the words, the daring me to reveal I
knew it too, like some shared sick secret.
Calling my house on Christmas break and asking if I just got out of the shower and stalking past my house.
These many encounters shortened here, starting in my teens and ending my freshman year of college, may not seem very nerfarious, but these constant concealed actions at the hands of your good friend's older father should make the hairs on anyone's arms stand tall. But his acts made me feel very small and unsure and unstable.
The constant effort to avoid him in person or on the phone made me feel like I was living a double life with my best friend. I could confide anything in her but this, hoping that she would realize the anguish he caused for me. I thought she might recognize my avoidance from my continual refusals to spend the night, to hang out at her house without her mom home, to sun bath in her back yard....
In my young way, I tried to call him out. When others couldn't see his suggestive advances, I would call out for all who couldn't see him to hear, "What do you want?" or "Why are you calling me?" I even asked my friend to never leave me alone with him. It's remarkable (not really because I grew good at expecting the slithery) that the one time my friend left her bedroom to go to the bathroom, he peaked into the room to talk to me. His wife's calls, "Leave her alone," seemed to abate his actions for those moments. What did she know that he was trying to do?
While there are greater details to my story, I wasn't raped or physically harmed. While I lacked age, I didn't lack fear or disappointment. My biggest disappointment is my best friend not really believing this of her father, even though I realize that it would be difficult to face this about your father.
Yet, I am very proud of the men that defended my story and my honor: a high school boyfriend that wanted to go clobber him; my father who on two occasions made himself very clear, and my husband who affirms my sense of disgust about this man's actions and validates my "small" harassment experience.
For me, joining in writing #MeToo is still complicated and difficult because of my expectations for what I want this campaign to accomplish for our future.
It has to be more than a hashtag that leaves others woefully wondering about our stories. It has to give more than a tangible sense of how many women battle this kind of disgust. It has to do more than comfort women by realizing other women share similar experiences. It has to be more than just listening to a woman's words. It has to be more than just women listening to women's words because if this is just woman to woman...WE KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE! Thus the hashtag #MeToo.
What I want is for gentle men to know that we trust you to support us, #MenToo.
We as women want to know that our gender is not alone in this fight, #MenToo.
We want you gentle men to listen and validate our stories, our worth, and our power, #MenToo.
WHAT I WANT ARE THE GENTLE MEN TO BE EMPOWERED TO ALSO SPEAK AGAINST THIS KIND OF MISUSE OF POWER, #MenToo!
THE POWER OF THE #MeToo WILL BE FOUND IN MEN USING THEIR VOICES AND AUTHORITY TO DISSOLVE THE DEMEANING OF WOMEN IN DEED OR ACT, ACTIVELY DEFENDING WOMEN BEING HARASSED, A BECOMING OF #MenToo.
THE POWER OF #MeToo WILL BE FOUND WHEN MEN STAND GUARD IN ALL ARENAS AGAINST THIS KIND OF MISUSE OF POWER.
THE POWER OF #MeToo WILL BE IN MEN PROCLAIMING IN THEIR ACTIONS AND WITH THEIR VOICES THAT THEY TOO WILL STAND FOR ME AND OTHERS WHO NEED A VOICE.
Can I get a #MenToo!
Comments
ps Earlier I wrote a better response but somehow it didn't go to you.
this with a sort of fantasy that creeps into their minds they can even pick up a nervous smile and think that women wants them. Men can be pigs and if not loudly shouted down by all men, then all women will eventually be subject to sexual harassment and often actual assault. All men need to answer this criminal crudeness as if it is their own mother subjected to it. The only defense I will offer is there are a few times mistaken perception can be a women's mistake and reputations destroyed by a modern day witch hunt. A clear crossing the line must be understood by all.