This began with an article,
The Only Six Words Parents Need to Say to Their Kids about Sports (or Any Performance) by Brad Griffin, Associate Director of Fuller Youth Institute, who referenced an article by student leadership development expert Tim Elmore whose research discusses the most encouraging words a parent can say before a competition without getting into performance:
1: Have fun
2. Play hard
3. I love you
Then, after the competition say these things:
1. Did you have fun?
2. I'm proud of you
3. I love you.
I love to watch you play! These were the words college athletes wish to hear from their parents.
While ALL of those were accurate, I dared to say that MORE NEEDS TO BE SAID. Thus, my list began, and here are my final remarks.
9. PLAY HARD AND COMMIT!
Playing hard means BEING ALL IN, being wholly committed with energy and enthusiasm. The backbone of this is commitment. Commitment to what? to the team? to myself? to my personal skills? to winning? YES!
Commitment to anything involves setting goals for self-improvement but also for excellent performance for your team.
Commitment drives better decisions on those difficult days when things are not falling into place and skill improvement is at a standstill. Commitment implies a mindset for immediate efforts, but also understands the longevity of accomplishment. It is step-by-step progression for the duration despite exasperation. Of course, there is self-examination, drive, push, and the will needed to battle through adversity and criticism. Let's face it. Who hasn't wanted to just avoid practice on a given day? Who hasn't felt like they were dragging and just couldn't run the court quickly or come with an Olympic size effort to every practice? But the decision to work as best as possible through all these days breeds further commitment.
I hear the parents chiming in now that they just want their children to have fun and not get all concerned with this life long commitment to a sport, these early morning practices, these traveling days, these long-night games.
But one day, kids see playing the sport as not so fun when losing is frequent. Continuing to play hard despite many losses and still calling it fun is a hard attitude to posit and to sustain without some immediate gratification for our efforts. Suddenly, commitment will be greatly needed.
That's why the simple, developmental goal setting needs to be established early on so that kids begin to see the joy in the small and individual accomplishments being part of a overall team plan and sport dedication. Truly, this is where the game becomes less about competition and more about playing for true love of the game. It requires a bit of simple forethought and intentionality. It requires input and mental direction from a coach or parent.
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Dale Carnegie once said, "If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don't want to be."
MORE WORDS NEED TO BE SAID TO GUIDE OUR KIDS FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!
10. DON'T QUIT UNTIL THE END: FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED
Just don't! No really! I mean this with my stomping foot and whole heart and soul.
When you quit, you leave behind a coach, a team, and teammates that built a foundation of hope for a season on you; you say NO to those you said you would represent when you decided to commit to your team. There is morale lost when a team has to juggle to refigure when one piece of the puzzle, no matter significant, drops out mid-way.
I can catalog right now the many reasons kids have and you have for your child to quit mid-season. Yet, as a coach, I can also still say, don't let those be the reason your YES became a NO.
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A team doesn't have to be a forever friend; but if you chose it for that time, then give it the dedication that you set out to at the beginning. Let your YES at the beginning of the season be a YES all the way to the end of the season.
Parents have excused their kids and allowed them to change their minds about remaining on a team for all the reasons we can think. We parents need to use our words to steady our children's emotions and hearts and minds and help them choose dedication, perseverance, and commitment. Where else will the simulated battle get any easier? Life's battles will certainly be much harder. This is the practice game to teach them to keep up the good fight. No excuses.
If all the other points on commitment and mental fortitude and perspective were spoken into your life, then this one will be less of struggle.
And at the end of the season, if you cannot redeem the feelings or reasons for quitting, and all efforts have been made to resolve the heart issues, and if it still seems reasonable, then choose it when the time is right, at the end.
SPEAK! MORE WORDS OF WISDOM NEED TO BE IMPARTED!
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